Three Reasons My Advice is Better than Yours

2. I don’t take the bait

Here’s how I handle situations when I’m asked for advice outside my “sweet spots.”

Recently, an advisor asked me for career advice.

I’ve known her for a long time. She has an MBA and a CFA.

Here was part of our dialogue:

Me: This strikes me as a difficult issue. Have you been struggling with it for a long time?

Her: Yes. I just can’t figure it out.

Me: You have an undergraduate degree, an MBA and are a CFA. If it’s too difficult for you to resolve it, why do you think I will be able to help?

Her: Because of your experience with other advisors.

We then had a very productive discussion where my sole role was to ask questions, which she politely answered. I then asked follow-up questions.

At the end of 30 minutes or so, here’s what she said:

Thank you so much. This discussion has really clarified things for me. I feel so much better.

I expressed no opinions. I didn’t weigh in on the options she presented. I only asked questions.

This is my approach whenever I’m asked for advice outside my areas of expertise.

I don’t take the bait.

3. I don’t want to cause harm

I’m not a doctor, but I take seriously this Latin phrase: Primum non nocere (“first, do no harm”), which is incorporated into the Hippocratic oath.

I’m challenged when advisors ask me if they should leave their firm and form an independent RIA. I want to say: Go do it!

But I don’t.

I’ve worked for a large conglomerate, two mega New York law firms and several large advisory firms. I wasn’t happy at any of these jobs.

My unhappiness was solely my fault.

I’m a terrible employee. I don’t assume those in power know best. I’m comfortable challenging them.

I’m not politically correct.

I don’t like meetings, office parties, building a consensus, or collaborating with my colleagues.

Clearly, I’m not a “team player.”

I never fit into the “culture” of any large company where I worked.

I love being my own boss, generating business, being accountable only to myself and my clients, and succeeding or failing (and I’ve had experience with both) based solely on my own efforts.

I see the risk of working for an employer as often being greater than being in business for myself.

My experience validates this view.

The large conglomerate I worked for imploded.

One of the two law firms I worked at is no longer in business after a failed merger and allegations of mismanagement.

Both occurred long after I left.

Given this background, I have a strong bias towards being an entrepreneur.

Note the use of the word “bias.”

I understand that my background and experience makes it impossible for me to give objective advice on this subject.

Of course, I know that many people are happily employed at large entities. They thrive where I failed.

When I’m asked to give advice on this subject, I recount my experiences and explain why I’m not a source of independent advice.

Neither are you.

We view the world through the prism of our biases. In technical terms, we suffer from naïve realism, as I discussed in this article.

I don’t want to project my biases onto the person asking for my advice.

Doing so could cause them harm.

If you don’t recognize this limitation when you’re asked for advice, then my “advice” is better than yours.

Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research in his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships, is currently available.

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