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If you have ever been in therapy, you will remember the discomfort you felt at the beginning of the session.
Your psychiatrist probably didn’t say anything to start the session. There was nothing along the lines of, “Today, we should discuss these subjects. Let me explain why.”
Instead, she just looked at you and waited for you to tell her what was on your mind.
When you understand the reasoning behind this approach, you are well on your well to implementing The Solin Process℠.
A psychiatric approach
In this article by Justin Lioi, published in GoodTherapy, Lioi explained why therapists don’t set an agenda when you enter their office: “Believe it or not, the space is there so the therapist has less influence over the session. We don’t want to focus on what we think is important or, even subtly, walk over a feeling or thought you are having. Therapy time is your time.”
If the silence becomes awkward, the most a psychiatrist will do is offer something neutral, like: “What’s it like to be back here today?”
Why it’s important
Psychiatrists have years of training, including extensive post-graduate education. They also have the benefit of having counselled hundreds of patients. Surely, they can direct the conversation to those areas that would be most helpful.
Yet they don’t.
It must take tremendous discipline for them to hold back, set aside their agenda and leave it to their patients to raise whatever is on their mind.
Other therapy lessons
It’s generally accepted that effective therapists have the ability to demonstrate empathy and understand the reasons their patients are seeking assistance.
How they are trained to do so is instructive: “An effective therapist must ask questions to determine the underlying causes of a patient's dilemma or illness. The questions should not be posed to be insulting or humiliating but rather asked to elicit responses to uncover the patient's true feelings and thoughts.”
Therapists are trained to listen carefully to the answers to their questions. They encourage their patients to talk at least 80% of the time in the session.
As one author put it in a medically reviewed article: “The bottom line is that the most effective psychotherapists are those who know how to listen.”
Good therapists avoid lectures. They don’t take charge of the session. They understand there’s no need to “educate” their patients because their job is to gently guide patients, so they discover their own answers.
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How patients feel about therapists
Patients have very positive feelings about their therapists. According to clinical psychologist, Ryan Howes, Ph.D, they, “feel safe and protected and love having a caregiver who meets their needs without demanding much in return.”
Patients often, “see their therapist as an ideal friend – a person who understands them and doesn’t judge.”
What if prospects and clients saw you the same way?
Lessons
Based on the research cited in my books, The Smartest Sales Book You’ll Ever Read, and Ask: How to Relate to Anyone, advice about what advisors should say, or how they should present, is misinformed.
Instead, you’ll see an improvement in your conversion rates if you adopt the approach of psychiatrists and hone your empathy and listening skills.
The best way to do this is to switch from conveying information to eliciting it by asking non-threatening, open-ended questions.
Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research of his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships, is in production.
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
