Patricia Solin at The Florence Academy
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Advisors tell me that my research into neuroscience and decision making has helped them close prospects and grow their practices. But its most profound impact has been from conversations I’ve had with my wife.
Everything I know about communication I learned from doing the research for my last two books, The Smartest Sales Book You’ll Ever Read and Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. The bibliographies in those books list the hundreds of studies upon which my conclusions are based.
I have no formal training in science or neuroscience, but I did retain a neuroscientist to review Ask to ensure the studies were accurately summarized.
Initially, the conclusions I reached from these studies were marshalled in a way to help advisors convert more prospects into clients. My goal was (and is) to help advisors who place the interest of their clients above their own and whose investment recommendations are based on peer-reviewed evidence.
That’s the backstory for The Solin Process℠, which I’ve taught to thousands of advisors, all over the world.
I didn’t set out to uncover a different approach to communication that would transform relationships (familial, social and business), but that’s exactly what happened. Many advisors told me they used the lessons they learned in The Solin Process℠ in their personal lives, with “transformational” results. Their experiences motivated me to write Ask to help those seeking to deepen all their relationships.
As an introvert, I’m reluctant to share personal experiences, but the examples set forth below are so powerful I thought you might find them helpful.
An unfulfilled career goal
My wife and I communicate well, or so I thought. I’m always asking her this question: “Is there anything unspoken between us?” On a few occasions, this query has elicited some issues that we were able to quickly resolve.
About 15 years ago, I asked her this question: “If you could live life all over again, what changes would you make?”
She told me she always wanted to be an artist but couldn’t pursue that goal for financial reasons.
I thought about her answer and suggested we pivot our lives to give her that opportunity. I researched art schools and found the best ones were in Florence, Italy. I told her I would go with her and stay as long as possible.
That one question totally changed our lives. She has studied in Florence on many occasions and in Paris, Toronto, Sweden, and many other venues in North America. We moved to Jersey City, New Jersey for a year so she could study at the Florence Academy when it opened a studio there.
Her artistic abilities have improved significantly over the years (the image above is of her studying at The Florence Academy). The enjoyment and fulfillment she receives from being an artist is incalculable.
All from asking one question.
A relocation issue
Recently, I asked her this question, which was motivated by research I had done on the likelihood of women outliving their husbands: “If I died, would you relocate?”
I was surprised by her response. She said she would. I asked her where she would go. She said she would probably stay in the Naples area (where we live) but would move to a smaller community, without a golf course, where her fixed expenses would be lower.
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I mulled that over for a few days and then had this epiphany: When I die, she will be overwhelmed with grief and anxiety. That’s hardly the best time to make a decision about where to live. I suggested we confront that issue now and do it together.
We toured many communities and found one that felt right to both of us. We purchased a lot and are building a house there. We’ve put our condo on the market.
The benefit of the move for me is as great as it is for her. I’m comforted knowing that she will have one less decision to make when the time comes.
All I did was “ask.”
Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research of his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online video course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships, is in production.
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