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This quote, attributed to Charlaine Harris, is often cited to explain why we often act in a way that’s consistent with our self-interest: “If I have to choose between you and me – I like me better.”
I’ve had contrary experiences. I have acted against my self-interest and benefitted.
Let me share these examples with you and then provide takeaways.
An atypical counteroffer
Most venture capitalists have superior negotiating leverage. I was in that position when my late partner, Emery Kertesz, asked me to fund his idea for an e-commerce company. He desperately needed the money and had few alternatives.
His term sheet provided for an equity split of two-thirds for me and the balance for him. I thought about it and gave him an atypical counteroffer.
I upped his equity to 40%.
He was surprised and asked why?
I told him I was going to ask a lot of him, and I didn’t think one-third of the profits gave him enough “skin in the game.”
He worked tirelessly for the ensuing two decades and built our business into a thriving company that now supports many employees.
The real payoff was not the enhanced returns generated by my investment. It was the impact my gesture made, which permitted us to overcome the inevitable disagreements that arose over our long relationship.
It created a reservoir of good will that was never exhausted. It formed the foundation for a relationship based on mutual trust and respect.
Turning down business
A prospect called with a request for coaching services. When I inquired about the issues he wanted to discuss, I didn’t think I was the best person for this assignment. I suggested he retain someone with an MBA instead.
About a year after the initial call, he contacted me and retained our digital marketing firm for a litany of services: coaching to convert more prospects into clients, website redesign, SEO analysis and graphic design services.
When I asked why he chose us, he said: “I really respected the fact that you could have taken the initial assignment but turned it down and referred me to someone you thought was more qualified.”
Clearly, my response to his initial inquiry engendered trust.
Takeaways
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Ask
How to Relate to Anyone
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Recently, a client asked me to recommend a list of turnkey asset management platforms (TAMPs). He contacted each of them and gave me negative feedback on one. He said: “They are ruthless capitalists.”
What he meant was the discussions were all about them.
Don’t squeeze every dollar out of every transaction. By focusing more on the needs of the prospect, and less on your bottom line, you enhance your financial position over the long-term.
Here’s a practical example. A prospect balks over your fees. You offer to work with her for six months at a reduced fee so she can better evaluate the relationship.
Your short-term reduction in fees might be rewarded with a long-term client and an additional source of referrals.
Here’s the biggest takeaway:
It’s not always about your immediate economic self-interest.
Dan trains executives and employees in the lessons based on the research of his latest book, Ask: How to Relate to Anyone. His online video course, Ask: Increase Your Sales. Deepen Your Relationships, is in production.
Advisor Perspectives welcomes guest contributions. The views presented here do not necessarily represent those of Advisor Perspectives.
