How to Increase Your Happiness

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This is the third in a series of articles about the relationship between success and happiness. You can find the first two here and here.

Successful people are not necessarily happier, but happier people are more likely to be successful.

Many people are unhappy in both their personal lives and their work. If you are an investment advisor always striving for the elusive and ever-changing goal of acquiring more assets under management, I recommend instead focusing on how to increase your level of happiness.

You control your happiness

Do you have the power to increase your happiness? Experts say yes. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a social psychologist and author of The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want, believes that people are born with “genetic set points” that determines 50% of their happiness levels. An additional 10% of happiness is imposed by circumstances like health, economic status and marital status.

The good news is you are in control of the other 40%.

You can make a large contribution to your own happiness. Here are some suggestions for doing so.

Prioritize happiness

According to Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, happiness is a choice within your power to make. He believes the brain scans for positive or negative meanings in the input it receives. The problem arises when your brain is programmed (by you) to scan first for the negative.

Achor believes you can train your brain to scan first for the positive. He suggests some simple practices to retrain your brain. One is to exercise for at least 10 minutes every day. Another is to meditate, which I will discuss in a future article. Achor also recommends writing down every day things that make you happy, things for which you are grateful or one positive experience you had in the past 24 hours.

Make emotional connections

Emotional connections are an essential component of your level of happiness. There is ample evidence that we are happier when we are with other people than when we are alone.

We have social interactions every day. We serve the needs of others and they serve ours. As you go through your day, try to make as many emotional connections as you can.

For example, I was recently at an electronics store. The person helping me was greeting some customers in English and others in Spanish. I asked about her background and why she was working there. That simple inquiry transformed an otherwise routine experience into an enriching one for both of us. She told me about growing up in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, and about her goals and her aspirations. She was touched that I asked about her.

If you make a similar effort to connect with others, you will be surprised at how enriching these encounters can be.

Practice empathy

Increasing your ability to be empathetic will significantly improve your level of happiness. When you demonstrate empathy, life becomes more meaningful. There is evidence that empathetic people have more successful marriages and more substantive social relationships and tend to live longer. CEOs who demonstrate empathy are more successful. Teachers who are empathetic have students who test better. Empathetic doctors have healthier patients. No wonder having empathy makes people happier.

You have ample opportunities in your business and personal life to express empathy. As an investment advisor, you are confronted every day with situations that call out for empathy. Here’s a sampling: A client tells you she is facing a terminal illness, the death of a spouse or the loss of a job. Each situation requires patience, understanding, sympathy and concern. You can demonstrate your empathy by feeling the pain of your client, instead of glibly offering investment solutions. For example, when confronted with a situation where your client is sad or grieving, indicate that you understand why he is so upset and that you would have the same feelings if you were in his situation.

Become a genuine listener

Genuinely listening to others will help increase your happiness. It’s difficult to develop empathy if you are not listening. Without empathy, you can’t make an emotional connection. Without an emotional connection, you can’t develop meaningful relationships. And without meaningful relationships, you are unlikely to achieve a higher level of happiness.

There are many other benefits of practicing genuine listening, but the primary one is conveying to others that you sincerely care about them. Remember to let others speak for as long as they wish without interruption. Listen intently and respond in a way that demonstrates your understanding both of what is being said and of the emotions the speaker is expressing.

Feel the power of giving

Studies show that we derive far more pleasure from giving than receiving. Women with multiple sclerosis who volunteered to listen compassionately to other patients developed increased self-esteem, greater self-acceptance and higher satisfaction, according to the study. They benefited even more than did those they were helping.

The evidence linking generosity to a happier life is overwhelming. An article in The Christian Science Monitor referenced 500 studies demonstrating the power of unselfish love. One study looked at 100 communities in England, ranging from inner cities to rural villages. Communities with the highest levels of volunteerism had less crime, better schools and happier, healthier residents.

Another study suggests that just thinking about giving to a charity can bring you pleasure by causing increased activity in the part of the brain that stimulates “feel-good” chemicals like serotonin and dopamine.

Focus on experiences

There is ample evidence that pleasurable experiences, rather than material possessions, are a source of happiness. The possibilities for positive experiences are almost endless. One blog lists hundreds of examples, including enjoying special meals, observing beauty in nature and art, listening to great music, taking trips and sharing activities with friends.

Pursue your passions

We each have a passion for something. Whatever your passion is, it gives you more pleasure than buying a new car or being praised by others. You feel better when you pursue this activity. In fact, if you asked yourself to list your happiest times, the pursuit of your passion would probably make the list. Allocate time in your daily life to pursue this passion.

Add play

One study measured “playfulness” — “the predisposition to engage in playful activities and interactions” — in adults. It found that playfulness relates positively to an overall feeling of well-being and quality of life, among other benefits.

How can you be more playful? Loosen up. Joke around. Develop a sense of humor about yourself. Engage in spontaneous behavior. Be unpredictable. Don’t take yourself or others so seriously.

Cut yourself some slack, relax, appreciate what really matters and have some fun. The collateral benefits are significant.

Look after your health

Poor health correlates highly with unhappiness. While some health issues may be beyond your control, many are not. There is ample evidence that heart disease, diabetes, colon cancer, hip fractures and high blood pressure, among other chronic illnesses, can be prevented or improved through diet and exercise. Up to 60% of cancer cases are related to poor diet. If you want to be happy, take responsibility for remaining in good health.

It’s up to you

You can choose to be happy and accrue the benefits of happiness: less stress, a feeling of contentment and fulfillment and a sense of well-being. And here’s the kicker: The happier you are, the more likely you are to achieve success.

Dan Solin is the director of investor advocacy for the BAM Alliance and a wealth advisor with Buckingham. He is a New York Times best-selling author of the Smartest series of books. His latest book is The Smartest Sales Book You'll Ever Read. He consults with corporations and advisory firms on ways to improve their sales.